An Open Letter to Louisa May Alcott: Am I A Bad Feminist for Wanting to Marry Rich?

I'm literally just a girl!

Dear Louisa May Alcott,

Hey queen! So, I recently watched Little Women (sorry I can’t read, literacy rates here in 2025 are down bad) and was so moved by the story. Saorise Ronan did a great job as Jo btw, I know you sent Greta messages of concern from beyond the grave but she totally nailed the part. Anyways, I loved seeing 19th century women being girl’s girls, except when Amy burnt all of Jo’s writings but like she’s working on herself (A euro trip has been and forever will be, the best form of therapy).

I did have one question though because you made a pretty big deal out of “marriage being an economic proposition” (so true!!) and women being tired of marriage as the only thing society deems them good for and I so agree with that sentiment, however I was just wondering, can I like, pursue it anyways? Like if the person I’m marrying has shit tons of money, so much so that I can freely pursue all my heart’s desire without needing to generate profit to sustain my lifestyle, is there an exception in the feminist paradigm?

You see, I’m a feminist and would never want to do anything to hurt the cause but I’m just a girl! And a girl is tired. I don’t know how many more powerpoint presentations, excel sheets and email correspondences wishing people well (who I do not wish well) I can take before I lose my mind. But I’m concerned I’m becoming a bad feminist for wanting a man to take care of me financially— emotionally not so much because I do watch Pride & Prejudice regularly).

Now I know there’s a couple of feminist movements already in place but I’ve sort of been playing around with a new idea and wanted to pick your brain! Yes, marriage will always be an economic proposition, but why not make it a fun one that we ladies can benefit from.

So, I’m thinking we Shark Tank the hell out of marriage. Men pitch themselves to us in an open-concept setting (I’m thinking the English countryside? We’re only accepting barons or higher-ranking nobles at this time). The men will come out one by one, most likely to the tune of Taylor Swift’s “Love Story” or “Maneater” by Nelly Furtado while us ladies sit on velvet recliner chairs, drinking wine and eating cheese—truffle brie to be exact. Each man will have 5 minutes to pitch himself to us. He may talk about his personality and values, but what we’re really interested in are his assets. Any property(s), streams of income, stocks, etc. Oh, and his relationship with his mother past the age of seven.

The women will then take turns negotiating what they’re willing to invest, emotionally. Some women might want a 20% stake of a company or in this case, man (we totally understand and respect polygamy) while other women will want 100%. For example, Woman A might ask for 35% stake— 65% is left available in case Aaron Taylor Johnson wants to partner up (literally whenever and wherever!) In return, Woman A will endure a 38-hour excruciating labor only to give birth to twin girls Lulu and Bea who wear tutus, are obsessed with their father and call their mother’s naked body “so gross mama!” when they unapologetically barge into the bathroom to invade her privacy. Woman B will ask for 5% and an annual “relaxation” retreat to Bora Bora, while offering to pretend she doesn’t know the “therapist” fee on the joint chase account is really her husband’s only fans subscription (honestly Josh don’t say you’re working on your issues and then not know what avoidant attachment style is).

In my case, for 100% of a man, I will sit in a garden, read books, sip wine, and write smut fan fiction. In return, I’ll pretend I don’t know who Warren Buffet is and let you explain the meaning of “The Stranger” for however long you deem necessary to fulfill your intellectual (pseudo) desire.

Now, you’re probably wondering, if these women have the means to invest, why would they need to marry rich? Of course the women are not putting up any money, are you crazy? Being pretty is more than enough. The men joining the competition must be fully equipped to financially sustain themselves, their future chéries and the coffee shop/bookstore/dynamic art classes to talk shit and be women, empire their wife is about to build.

And don’t think I forgot that feminism is about equality! It’s so important to me that both men and women gain something from this, which is why after a deal has been struck between an investor and a business owner, a contractual agreement outlining the expectations for business operations needs to be signed. For example, what will be the woman’s title in the company? How much will she earn? What will be the KPIs?

Since they bring in the capital, we’ll allow the men to be the CEO, CFO, CIO, CIA, FBI, AEIOU, IDGAF, you know whatever they want of the company! And the woman shall be “beautiful artsy, love of my life.” The women will take their husband’s entire paycheck and shall donate 10% to local charities (his basic necessities for a given month). In terms of the performance indicators, the men’s performance shall be measured by their wife's happiness. Every quarter, the women will be given the chance to terminate the relationship and pursue new business opportunities. If after 5 years, a woman has consistently surpassed the happiness index and remained with her husband, said husband will receive nosebleed tickets to a sports event of their choosing (local leagues only).

As for the women’s performance, to be a woman is to perform. Maybe some day in the future, the brilliant minds of our world will have developed a formula for measuring perfection. But until then, we’ll just have to observe women being ethereal and utter otherworldly in a man’s world.

Anyways, these are just some thoughts that came to mind. Please let me know what you think!

Would be happy to hop on a ouija or something so we can workshop further.

Kind regards,

Andrea Fernandez Henao